For an assortment of reasons (many of them just the paranoid little voices in my head) I'm going to make my journal friends only from here on out. Since I'm pretty sure that most people who read this are on my friends list, this shouldn't be a big deal. If you read my journal, and are somehow not on my friends list, drop me an e-mail so I can add you. I think that's it for now.

Limbo... Just doesn't have the same ring to it, really. But, against all odds, it appears that I am not ( going to Hell )

Welcome to Live Journal 64tbird! Ha Ha! I knew we'd get you here sooner or later!

Or so I think. The house is remarkably close to something I would call clean. The laundry is done (Okay, washed and dried...there are seven loads waiting to be folded on my bed). I have a vague idea of what to make for dinner. Galen napped today (insert choir of angels singing joyously here). I worked with Brenna on her writing practice, we still have reading to do. I still need to work on my history essay, find a costume for Con that does not involve vinyl, talk with Tracy (Tbird for the Callahan's folks) about 'what we are going to do to help the Arcmage', and figure out what food I'm serving for Easter (my mother, the one who doesn't eat, just asked if she could bring anything, which implies that I'm supposed to have something here already). Oh, and I should spend some time with a friend of mine who is very depressed right now, and find an extra three or four hundred bucks in the budget this month. Ah, well, at least the impossible can be crossed off the To Do list guilt free.

But I sat down and drank a whole cup of coffee and read twelve pages of a book today!

I was just reading comments on my last two posts (yup, it took me that long to get back to them) and I had an idea. I'm just going to fantasize about what I would do if I had ten more hours in my day (assuming the other twenty-four are spent pretty much the way they are now).

I would spend one doing yoga or pilates. I would spend one meditating or doing ritual. I would spend one taking a longer shower and actually doing things like using moisturizer, filing my nails, and painting my toenails. I would spend two having one on one time with my husband. I would spend one actually reading friends journals and responding, checking e-mail, and maybe going back to usenet. I would spend two drinking coffee and reading. I would spend one planning and prepping meals, so that we ate before 7:00 p.m. once in a while. I would spend one studying or doing household paperwork, depending on which needed doing.

I think the most positive thing about the above list is, my kids don't appear on it. I see that list as things I don't have enough of in my life right now. Since 'spending time with my children' is not on that list, I think that means I am getting enough time with them. Back when I was working a paying job, the number one thing on my list was 'spend more time with my kid'. I may have 'I'm a great mom' days and 'I'm a terrible mom' days, but at least they're all mom days.

So, where do I get those ten hours?

I'm pretty sure I'm vain. I get a kick out of looking good. I used to care about what I looked like when I went out. Amazing what the second baby will do to you. I got Galen all packed up and equipped for an outing (he, of course, looks cute as a button, freshly bathed, socks match...) and realized that I didn't have my necklace on (important only because Galen likes to play with it). So, I dash into the bathroom. While putting on my necklace, I looked in the mirror. Wow. Strained peaches smeared on my face, t-shirt untucked, hair in the same unbrushed ponytail I put it in when I got up this morning, glasses on crooked, jeans covered with cat hair. Lady, you're a mess. And I shrugged, brushed my teeth, and walked out.

I used to be known for being 'the one who had it all together', I was always on top of things. Now, my house is trashed, my car is filthy, and I look like I've just been mugged. What the Hell happened? And better yet, what am I going to do next fall when I go back to school full time, with a knock-you-down-and-steal-your-lunch-money bully of a schedule?

there is a special place in Hell for some types of people. Like these...

I'm walking out of Target with a cart, that has a baby carrier on top and a boxed stroller (needed a new one...long story...don't ask) on the bottom. This fills the cart, so I've got two bags on one arm, plus diaper bag and purse, and a 35 pound tub of cat litter in the other hand. I'm steering the cart with the lighter arm, and making slow, erratic progress toward my car. Oh, and the automatic doors weren't working, so getting out in the first place was exciting. And did I mention that the baby is wailing indignantly all this time? No? Well, he was. Meanwhile, these two women (mid 30's, athletic, soccer mom types) are strolling along behind me with a pre-teen kid in tow. Oh well, just because I have a habit of stopping and helping strangers when it looks like they need a hand, I don't expect other people to do it. I make it almost to the car when I drop the cat litter, on my foot. So, yes, I uttered a few choice expletives before I regain my composure. At which time, the two women dash up to me and start reading me the riot act for using foul language in the presence of children. I suppressed lots of things I wanted to say, and settled for "Gee, sorry. I sometimes forget myself. Especially when I have 35 pounds of cat litter, in a sharp edged tub, on my foot!" So, they stood there, whining at me while I loaded my car. They did eventually move on when they figured out that I most likely would run them over if they kept standing behind my car.

Wow, that was longer that it needed to be. Gods, I'm tired and cranky these days...

I posted this in the Callahanians group as well. This message came from T Bird. Real Space anyone?

(T Bird said)

I know lots of folks around here have defected to Live Journal, so I'll email Cerval as well.

I was thinking about ARCmage, and all these realspaces going on.... and was wondering if people in the Colorado area want to get together some weekend day for a picnic in a park in Ft.. Collins somewhere, sometime this summer? I can pick the ARCmage up.

Let me know, and I'll start working on it.

TBird <--- where the heck is Cervals email addie?

OK, I got home last night, but close enough. Real post coming soon. Sometime after sleep and laundry.

Travel Log: Part One

I should have tried to write a bit each day, even if I had to save it to post later, since most of my most interesting thoughts, memories, and musings are already lost, or condensed into less interesting anecdotes.

So this is the short-short-short version, I'll try to expand upon the better parts later.

Overview: The landscape here is surprisingly pretty, and the weather has been unseasonably warm (until today). Staying at eleccham's mom's house has been worse than I'd hoped, but better than I'd feared. She's not as bad as when she stayed with us a year ago, but I had hoped that the behavior could be written off to being in an unfamiliar environment. Turns out, she's like this no matter what. After the second day, we've spent most of our time away from the house.

Monday: Made it to the airport on time, stood in long line, carried baby and luggage long distances, didn't get the option to pre-board with small children (so far, not so good) got bumped to first class (huzzah). later: musings on the continued existence of social class systems and airlines Got to Mother-In-Law's house, was immediately overwhelmed and marginally sorry we came. Spent time outside talking to Step-Father-In-Law and watching the river, felt better.

Tuesday: MIL does not observe the 'no talk before coffee' protocol. In fact, she nags about how she can't so much as smell caffeine with out getting jittery, at great length, until I want to throw the coffee at her. We drove to visit eleccham's grandmother. Backseat of Blazer very uncomfortable, MIL is horrid driver, and never stops talking. Visit was really good, more on that later. Drive back was even worse, urge to smack MIL almost unbearable. Rest of day escalating to blind rage. Went out to local diner after Brenna went to bed, somewhat better.

Wednesday: MIL must be silenced at all costs. I hate being bullied about ten things before coffee. Urge to kill rising. Ed to the rescue. Old friend of eleccham's comes by to visit. After visit MIL yammers, nags, and interferes in our departure, so that we get on the road two hours later than planned. We drive for a really long time, and are rewarded with a lovely evening with Kitten, TC, Lady C, Starknight, and Marcy. The drive home was uneventful until the big meteor entered the atmosphere above Illinois, turning the whole sky blue-purple-green-white and back. It was really amazing, and scared me half to death. later: musings on things that go through your head when you see something like that and you habitually read too much sci-fi

Thursday: OK, got to shorten this, I have people to visit. MIL delayed morning departure for almost three hours. Finally reached the Shedd Aquarium. Brenna loved it, even Galen watched fish. I had a small nervous breakdown when confronted with actual live marine mammals for the first time since life told me that I wasn't going to be a marine biologist. later: whole lotta musing here Overall, lots of fun. Had dinner with eleccham's uncle, aunt, and cousins. That was really nice.

Friday: Hey! It is Friday. I'll post it later.

for possible amusing travel updates. It depends on how much online time I get in Illinois. Our bags are packed (almost), the house is clean (nearly), the perishable food is gone (for the most part), the pets, plants, and mail are taken care of (that, at least, for sure). We're as ready as we'll ever be. As I said to eleccham earlier today, I can go to New York for two weeks with a cary-on bag, a cell phone, a debit card, and a positive outlook on life; but there is something about traveling with two kids that makes me pack like I'm preparing for a prolonged siege in hostile territory (well, I am going to see my mother-in-law)...
So, bye bye for now, if I don't post from the road, I should have some good stories by the time I get home (a week from tomorrow, in case you were wondering).

And lots of it! About two feet, as far as I can tell. For anyone who hasn't seen the news, Colorado got hit with an honest-to-Deity blizzard. The airport is closed (and has a big hole in its cleverly designed roof), so are most roads, the post office, etc...

This means we are flying out Monday instead of today, and coming back the following Monday. This is, in fact, a good thing. eleccham just found out that his driver's license has expired, so he couldn't get through airport security tomorrow anyway. His birth certificate is coming via priority overnight mail, but the post office and DMV are closed today... So, we can do all that tomorrow, I can get the house cleaned up after all, the kids have more time to get over their ear infections... It's all good.

Cold, but good.

"The United States of America has the sovereign authority to use force in assuring its own national security."

"Saddam Hussein and his sons must leave Iraq within 48 hours."

"Their refusal to do so will result in military conflict commenced at a time of our choosing." -G.W. Bush, today

So, here we go...

"Should enemies strike our country, they would be attempting to shift our attention with panic and weaken our morale with fear." -Also G.W. Bush, today

Funny, I already kinda feel that way...

Just discovered that four office visit co-pays and five prescriptions, and some rounds of take-out food because we were too busy running around to cook, have done icky things to my budget. Not what one wants too see right before vacation. Grumble, mutter, grump...

First, thanks for all the supportive comments after the Truck-From-Hell adventure. I think my level of jumpy and paranoid is going to remain elevated for a while. About the only bright side I could find was "At least the kids weren't in the car with me".

As sgailean suggested, I've been hiding out in a good book (which, by the way, he lent me), Pamela Dean's Tam Lin. So far, so good. Maybe I'll do another mini book review when I'm finished.

We're leaving for vacation (although I may be using the term 'vacation' rather loosely) on Thursday. So I've been franticly trying to get the house in order and figure out what we need to pack, get packed, etc... Naturally, both children came down with ear infections this weekend. As usual, our wonderful pediatrician rose to the occasion, seeing Brenna in his office on Sunday afternoon, then doing a phone consultation and calling in a prescription for Galen last night, and seeing him this morning. He even praised my diagnostic ability, for correctly identifying the infection in both kids (since ear infections are not contagious, the odds of both children getting them at the same time are supposedly low). Now that both kids have antibiotic and Advil in them, maybe I can get some housework and packing done.

As always, further bulletins as events warrant.

So, maybe I've just been giving the species too much credit. Sure, people are, by and large, rude, inconsiderate, and thoughtless; but I thought it was sort of an unconscious thing. SUV's with bright lights tailgating me, people shoving past me in stores while I'm wrestling with a heavy baby carrier and diaper bag, cars that don't stop at crosswalks, people who don't recycle... I guess I thought their crime was thoughtlessness. Yeah, it's wrong, but not malicious.

Even this, is often enough to push me to my limit. I get so sick of the day to day inconsiderate nature of the general public that I hide in my house for days at a time. Then, I have a lot of errands to run, spend two days out doing them, and by the end, I'm ready to scream.

Today was one of those end-of-rope days. So, this evening, Brenna was at Grandma's house, I left Galen with eleccham and spent some time alone. Then I went over to a friend's house, watched stupid TV and ate Chinese food. I was feeling a lot better as I headed home. I tend to take the less traveled roads when I can. They may be slower, but it's worth it to avoid traffic.

I was on my way out of Boulder, on Baseline Road (usually pretty deserted at night once you get out of town), when a big, jacked up on monster tires, pickup got behind me. It had its brights on. Now, if you've never been in a small Toyota Echo with a wanna-be Bigfoot behind you, let me tell you. Those lights come in, flood your car, and manage (through the advantage of massive height and width) to reflect off all three mirrors. If this truck also has its brights on, you (the Echo) are rendered nearly blind. This thing was bright, and wanted to tail me. At first, I assumed it wanted to pass me. So, I tried changing lanes, it followed. I tried slowing down in passing zones, it stayed behind me. When I got to my next turn, I waited until I was at the stop sign to signal, hoping it would signal first, and I could go the other way. It didn't signal, so I did, then turned. It followed me. Once we were out on a long, dark, stretch of road with no real place to pull over (yeah, I could have in a real emergency, but I didn't feel like dumping my car in a ditch for an asshole) it started tailing me, hard. All I could see was blinding white light behind me. I was hunched over with my nose nearly on the windshield, in order to see the road ahead of me. This went on for several miles. At some point, I reached over and pulled out my cell phone (which I never use while driving) and punched in the number for the police (no easy task while being blinded), vowing to somehow get this monster's plate number and call it in. Finally, we reached another passing zone, and the truck got bored. It went out around me, cutting back in so closely that I had to brake hard, despite the fact that I had already been slowing down. I thought there was some small chance that the driver didn't know they had their brights on (always the optimist), so I briefly flashed my brights. The driver of the truck then turned on the double set of super-bright lights they had wired into the bed of the truck. I was so blinded I almost ran off the road. I did, in fact, come almost to a stop while waiting to see again. By that time, I was sure the truck was long gone, and I wouldn't be able to call it in. However, when I got to the next light, there it was, in front of me. I guess it saw me too, since it turned on the back lights again, swerved across two lanes of traffic and made a right turn. No way could I see the plate. I still called the police, and gave them the best description of the vehicle I could, along with location and direction, and made a road rage complaint.

As I was finishing my drive home I started thinking. This person had custom wired two sets of super-bright headlights into the bed of their truck, including controls for the lights that could be activated from the cab. The driver obviously knew that I was likely to call it in, or knew I was going to do something that prompted the driver to evade me. The lights-swerve-turn maneuver was obviously practiced. So, this person, set out with the intent to frighten and intimidate other drivers, and built in a system to mask their identity. This person took great pains to create a method of frightening, endangering, and harassing complete strangers with impunity. I'm sorry if it seems extreme, but I call that evil. Small, petty, nasty, evil at that. So then, I started to wonder, how many more are there? How many near misses on the road, cars with brights on, people who bump into you and almost knock you over, people who walk too close past your car door (repositioning your mirror and squishing you with the door), aren't just self-centered, but are actually getting a kick out of messing with others?

Isn't there enough suffering and pain in this world without people deliberately trying to make more? It's bad enough that most people don't do anything to try and stop it, do we need people who try and increase it? I swear, it just fills me with despair, it just makes me want to give up on the human race.

Yes, I know I’m overreacting. I don’t care. I’m tired of being told I’m overreacting. Maybe if stuff like this didn’t happen more and more often, maybe if I could stop reeling from one before the next one hit, I’d stop overreacting. The thing is, I’m getting really unhappy about many of my fellow Earthlings’ behavior. Not their private behavior, but their behavior that affects me. So, it doesn’t feel like overreacting to me anymore.

I'm feeling much better today, enough so that eleccham got to go back to work. I'm not running a fever, and my sinuses are as clear as they ever all in pre-spring.

Both kids are still sick... Brenna's fever is still fairly high, although Advil brings it down. She's still coughing and congested. She's not a cranky as she was yesterday, but she's still really emotional. Her appetite is pretty lousy, but she's getting plenty of fluids. Galen still has a slight fever and his nose is really stuffed up. He's sometimes in a good mood, but gets really fussy when he's tired. I'm glad I bought the baby sling, since it seems to be the only place he wants to eat or sleep this morning (and it almost fees up both hands for typing).

I got the clogged up toilet in the master bathroom unclogged, now both bathrooms work again. If Galen will let me put him down for a nap (as compared to napping in the sling) I'm going to try to clean at least one bathroom, preferably both, plus the kitchen. Time to kill the cooties to prevent reinfection. Charge!

I have the flu, or something like it. So do Brenna and Galen. Boy am I glad the eleccham has one of those bosses that thinks it's OK for a man to stay home with his sick family. Otherwise, I'd be calling Mom...

So, if you posted something important, and it looks I'm ignoring you, I'm not, I'm unconscious. And if I made an attempt at posting in your journal, but it makes no sense, it's the fever talking. See y'all when I feel better.

I have instant messaging now. Slowly but surely, my husband is turning my into a geek. Of course, if I were a real geek, I'd have a link here, but I'm not, so I don't. So, just go to my user info/ profile thing page and get my addresses. Then maybe you'll lcatch me during one of my erratic bouts of computer time...